trust in him

heryou know what I just realized? I didn't notice it till now but I think I just experienced god's love. I thought all summer I would be stuck watching kdramas learning from a lesson and a mistake I made this past year....not that watching kdramas isn't too bad (the plots just get repetitive and tiring, esp when hey start blending together in the wee hrs of the morning heheheheh). But yes he was watching over me. yayy :) I got a full time job he is good. Now I just need to see the next step from here, because there's still a lot of summer left... :)

here's to decoding statutes and contracts, I'm just happy I'm learning something and helping people- to be cont.

Determination

One thing that really scares me is my determination and focus. I was so focused last semester, it was my goal. I really had something to work towards but I knew it was for all the wrong reasons. I know I shouldn't have and so I'm doing this with a different reasoning. The reasoning isn't really strong, and I know I shouldn't have to defend my argument and reasoning but I feel like I should have some type of reassurance from myself.

I just know that the switch is right, the feeling is right. It isn't a feeling of content but more of a relaxed feeling that I belong there.

Apart from this, since I was so determined last semester I think I'm thinking that I don't really have anything to work towards. I need to get out of this mindset, because I was just progressing to being a lazy human-being. haha second semester I was half in, half out-motivated and determined at certain points and then lazy at others. haha. I shouldn't be so determined, I need to live one day at a time. Enjoy the present and not have to worry about the future. Carpe diem I guess.

Currently in the present, I'm not determined at all hahah which is good, but definitely not in my own daily life. I don't know what I am doing for the summer- and here I am still wondering when summer is already like a month in. three more months..

More random thoughts: Part of me is really glad that I didn't find an internship/job and I am actually pretty happy that I didn't. These are not some thoughts of conciliation. Both semesters I was so determined to find a business job/internship for the summer that when I realized it was a waste to be so focused, I think I gave up. It wasn't even the field I was interested. Looking back I think I should've just gone ahead and followed up because it was a different field. Maybe I could just explore it. I think I was/am too scared of locking myself into doing that for the summer.

but can I just say time does heal? hahah

and so here;s to being proactive, fearless, autonomous, and free. u3@ss definitely changed me.

Here we go again

To Do:
-Math 128H Final Problem paper
-Study for final Chinese Exam.. it's worth a lot salinaa
-Send Berna Macro excuse
-Emerging Scholars Final Reflection
-Go over aplia, especially the table!

Side notes:
-Worry about housing/transfer credit/getting into certain classes
-Go to Starbucks
-Print photos/get frames
-Start packing

Starting a puzzle

I'm not so sure what I'm doing, or what I will be doing. I just want this puzzle to be finished, no more missing pieces, no more pieces that need to be put together.

I think I don't want to think anymore. I'm done.

So many things annoy me, and I don't know if I've just about had it. I really do let things sit inside me.

yippee

oh my gosh I woke up at ten today! I'm no longer living in China! oh and my finals were finished by Friday noon so I'm free :)

Lost Joy

The children in Newtown, CT were innocent, precious angels. My heart goes out to the brave teachers and little children that died.

What about those families thy already bought gifts for their children?
Why do we focus on gun control now? We can talk about politics later, now isn't the time.

Today is not my day

112: decided not to live in the library today, but the student union. Oh, and there happened to be a protest against fracking hahah, today is just not my day- loud unified voices can be annoying. But that's not why my day was ruined, hahahah you'll laugh at me because the fact that I went to two different dining halls for bagels and they didn't have any kind of just ruined my day lol.

and I'm just yawning nonstop. Everyone has probably seen my silver filled cavity by now.

I need coffee, I have an addiction blah and I'm only 18

407: I did a lot calc so I rewarded myself with coffee :) café mocha with soy 💜