Determination

One thing that really scares me is my determination and focus. I was so focused last semester, it was my goal. I really had something to work towards but I knew it was for all the wrong reasons. I know I shouldn't have and so I'm doing this with a different reasoning. The reasoning isn't really strong, and I know I shouldn't have to defend my argument and reasoning but I feel like I should have some type of reassurance from myself.

I just know that the switch is right, the feeling is right. It isn't a feeling of content but more of a relaxed feeling that I belong there.

Apart from this, since I was so determined last semester I think I'm thinking that I don't really have anything to work towards. I need to get out of this mindset, because I was just progressing to being a lazy human-being. haha second semester I was half in, half out-motivated and determined at certain points and then lazy at others. haha. I shouldn't be so determined, I need to live one day at a time. Enjoy the present and not have to worry about the future. Carpe diem I guess.

Currently in the present, I'm not determined at all hahah which is good, but definitely not in my own daily life. I don't know what I am doing for the summer- and here I am still wondering when summer is already like a month in. three more months..

More random thoughts: Part of me is really glad that I didn't find an internship/job and I am actually pretty happy that I didn't. These are not some thoughts of conciliation. Both semesters I was so determined to find a business job/internship for the summer that when I realized it was a waste to be so focused, I think I gave up. It wasn't even the field I was interested. Looking back I think I should've just gone ahead and followed up because it was a different field. Maybe I could just explore it. I think I was/am too scared of locking myself into doing that for the summer.

but can I just say time does heal? hahah

and so here;s to being proactive, fearless, autonomous, and free. u3@ss definitely changed me.